From: The Office of the Vice-Chancellor and Chief Executive
Subject: Teaching and Research Staff
We have received a number of complaints from the growing number of Research-Only academics in this university about their present need to share a variety of facilities with Teaching-Only staff.
As these communications correctly point out, Research-Only academics have typically been specially recruited by this university for their outstanding research skills. These special skills have been acknowledged by higher-than-average rates of pay and by complete freedom from the burden of teaching.
At the moment, however, such Research-Only staff have to share facilities with Teaching-Only staff who have been sentenced to these duties either because of their inability to conduct research or because they are a bunch of relatively under-qualified part-time hourly paid graduate teaching assistants.
Following lengthy discussions with Jamie Targett, Head of Corporate Development, I have decided to act on these complaints and make a number of modest changes to existing university ordinances that will mark the realities of this new division in staff status. These will take effect from the beginning of next term.
1. All senior common rooms will be designated "Research Only".
"Teaching-Only" staff are asked to use the general canteen.
2. All university parking vouchers will henceforth be restricted to Research-Only staff. Teaching-Only staff may still avail themselves of the Bicycle Shed.
3. All university identification cards will be over-stamped with either the letters RO (Research Only) or TO (Teaching Only) so that priority can be afforded to the former group in queuing situations.
4. Staff toilets will be designated RO (Research Only) or TO (Teaching Only). Please note that special keys to RO (Research-Only) toilets will shortly be available to properly accredited users.
I hope this clarifies the situation.
THE UNIVERSITY OF POPPLETON "Maintaining the link between teaching and research"