Laurie Taylor column

You have reached the office of Professor Lapping. I am afraid that Professor Lapping is away from his office for the next ten days on his annual vacation and cannot be contacted until his return.

Maureen, are you there?

You have reached the office of Professor Lapping. I am afraid that Professor Lapping is away from his office for the next ten days on his annual vacation...

Maureen, are you there? This is Professor Lapping. Lapping speaking. Can you hear me?

Ah, Professor Lapping. I thought you told me that I was not to take messages from anyone until you got back from Normandy. And you've only been away for two days.

I thought that I'd have a quick check. Just to see if anyone has tried to leave a message. No attempts to leave a message from the vice-chancellor?

Nothing at all.

How about Jamie Targett? Has he tried to leave a message?

Not a sausage.

Human resources?

Quiet as a mouse.

How about e-mails? Any e-mails?

Not one. They've all been put off by your out-of-office reply.

That's excellent.

It looks as though you can relax. Enjoy your holiday. No one is looking for you.

Indeed. Indeed. Maureen?

Professor Lapping?

You know I said before I left that I didn't want to be bothered with any messages at all while I was on holiday?

That was the rule.

Maureen, that still stands. But, Maureen, I might ring again tomorrow. Just to check.

Check what?

Just to check there aren't any messages.

What else? Ciao, Professor Lapping.

Au revoir, Maureen.