Bright Tiger

Going back on numerous pledges to stay on and graduate from Stanford, Tiger Woods - who recently won the United States Amateur Golf Championship for an unprecedented third time in a row - has turned professional. He has immediately commanded multimillion dollar contracts as the non-white hope of a sport with an embarrassing record on minority participation.

Johnny Miller, a former British Open champion and now top golfing pundit, put Woods's chances of repaying any outstanding college loans firmly into context: "You've got your $40 million in the bank and you start thinking "What do I need school for? I'll buy a university." In fact Woods's contracts are now said to be worth $63 million so he could buy another small campus as well.