It's not what you say

Too late now, we know, but here is the definitive advice on how you should have voted yesterday.

The key factor was not Europe but Esperanto, according to the Esperanto Lobby, which billed the language as the answer to everything from air crashes to chaos at the United Nations. The blacklist of Esperanto-hostile candidates ran across party lines, damning William Waldegrave, Alan Howarth, Frank Dobson and Edwina Currie alike.

Allegedly famous Esperantists include David Blunkett, Harold Wilson and Jeremy Hanley and, from other planets, William Shatner and Patrick Moore.