Jumping for joy

Dr Julia Persimmon of our biology department shows that "spring" is indeed in the air. Julia, who is currently researching modes of quantifying the integration of quorum-sensing signals with single-cell resolution, tells us that she'll still find time over the weekend to dip in to a Creme Egg or two. We'll take our bonnets off to that, Julia.

Conference time again

A special message from our Vice-Chancellor

I'm sure that everyone who works on this campus will join me in extending a warm welcome to all those conference delegates who will be taking advantage of our excellent facilities over the coming weeks. I would like to extend a particularly warm welcome to all those who will be attending the annual conference of the British Association of Satanists and Allied Trades. We hope that all your seminars and covens (Mrs Dilworth, please check spelling) prove instructive and fruitful and will be enhanced by what we like to call "the Poppleton effect".

(Note from the Editor. We have been asked by the organisers of the above conference to point out that because of numbers, the traditional Blood Sacrifice conclusion will now take place in the newly renovated Human Resources Building.)

Poppleton don protest shock

Unconfirmed rumours say disciplinary action may be taken against Mr Ted Odgers of our Department of Media and Cultural Studies for "bringing the university into disrepute" for his part in the "Burn the Bankers" campus demonstrations against the G20 conference.

It appears that Mr Odgers led a small march of protesters to the Poppleton branch of Barclays Bank (manager Mr Ken Laslett), where he delivered a rousing address on the need to string up the capitalist lackeys before throwing a house brick into the concourse of the bank.

No one was hurt in the incident, and Mr Laslett confirmed that he had no wish to press charges. He said Mr Odgers was a valued account holder and that the brick was accompanied by a note saying that the thrower had no personal grievance against Mr Laslett himself but only wished to make it clear that he was an agent of contemporary corporate capitalism.

A seasonal message from our ecumenical chaplain

Yes, it's once again that time of year when those who subscribe to a particular religious belief system celebrate or mark what they regard as one of the most miraculous or symbolically significant events in the ecclesiastical calendar.

So may I take this opportunity to wish all such literal or symbolic believers a very happy time of the year while at the same time recognising that this particular period is of little or no significance or indeed interest to all those who choose to subscribe to quite different but equally valid belief systems or who lack any belief system whatsoever or who have yet to make up their minds either way. Erm. Have a good one!

Thought for the Week

(contributed by Jennifer Doubleday, Head of Personal Development)

I'm grateful to Doctor Gerald Loseley of the English for Business Department who tells me that ever since he read D.H. Lawrence, flowers have held a special place for him. So here's my little Easter offering for Gerald.

I think of the garden after the rain;

And hope to my heart comes singing,

At morn the cherry-blooms will be white,

And the Easter bells be ringing!