Laurie Taylor Column

"Television series such as Silent Witness and CSI have prompted a dramatic increase in the number of forensic science courses." - The Times Higher, May 18

The University of Poppleton

In recent years, this university has proudly pioneered a number of courses in forensic science in the belief that this is one important way in which the wider understanding of science can be fostered in our society going forward. We now offer undergraduate degrees in Forensic Science, Criminal Forensic Science and Forensic Science on the Streets. We are now delighted to offer the following postgraduate courses, which will enable students to pursue their interests at a more advanced level:

MSc in Morgue Attendant Studies

Students on this course will be trained to wear a white coat and a world-weary expression and will learn the art of discovering vital pieces of damning evidence at the very last minute. They will also become adept at dispassionately sliding morgue drawers in and out and will be skilled at pulling a white sheet away from the face of the corpse so as to reveal its mistaken identity.

MSc in Village Homicide

After completing this course, students will recognise the manner in which rural settings routinely hide a maze of adulterous liaisons. They will also have a working familiarity with teashops, vicarages and village-green cricket and be trained to ignore the sudden arrival of a suspicious stranger in the local pub. They will also be aware of the contributions that can be made to the forensic investigation by elderly crime writers who happen to be visiting the village at the time of the murder.

MSc in Intermediate Cannibalism

In addition to providing students with the forensic skills needed for the detection of half-eaten human remains, this advanced course will offer training in the specialist communication skills required for conducting interviews with suspects whose speech is impaired by the wearing of a restraint muzzle.

All the above courses involve extensive fieldwork including visits to murder scenes, attendance at sensational trials and the occasional opportunity to take part in very fast car chases.

The University of Poppleton - "where science matters".