Laurie Taylor Column

" V-cs start to dock pay " - The Times Higher, May 12

University of Poppleton

From: The Office of the President (formerly vice-chancellor)

Subject: Salary deductions

As I have explained in my nine previous letters to all members of academic staff, the present union-backed boycott of examinations and assessment constitutes an intolerable unprofessional interference with the rights of students to graduate and provides the legal basis for the withholding of salaries from all participating academics.

Despite these extensive warnings, it would seem that the boycott is still operating in this university, and I therefore have no alternative but to issue the following list of salary deductions: 1. All those who have refused to set exams and assessment.

Deduction 20%

2. All those who have refused to mark exams and assessment.

Deduction 20%

3. All those who have refused to set and mark exams and assessment.

Deduction 30%

4. All those who have refused to invigilate exams.

Deduction 10%

5. All those who have done a bit of marking and a bit of setting on the side.

Deduction 5%

6. All those who have misused the internal e-mail system by writing, forwarding or otherwise showing tacit approval for correspondence critical of the university administration or the Universities and Colleges Employers' Association.

Deduction 5%

7. All those with union posters or pictures of Sally Hunt on the walls of their tutorial rooms.

Deduction 8%

8. Doctor Piercemüller.

Deduction 20%

To find out the full scale of your own salary deduction, simply add the appropriate percentages. If you have refused to mark (20%) and invigilate (10%) and been the author or forwarder of critical e-mails (5%) your total deduction will be 35%.

I hope this clarifies the situation.

The President

Signed in his absence by someone or other (Mrs Dilworth is currently boycotting "pp" signatures in solidarity with the union action)