Laurie Taylor Column

A shock survey of the quality of teaching in British universities by The Independent finds that per cent of students fall asleep in lectures.

Further percentage findings from the Survey of Teaching in British Universities :

• 94 per cent of students sit in the back three rows
• 42 per cent of students admit to throwing spit pellets at fellow students during lectures
• 31 per cent of students admit to throwing spit pellets at lecturers during lectures
• 86 per cent of students fail to laugh at jokes made by lecturers
• 41 per cent of lecturers arrive more than five minutes late for their lectures
• per cent of lecturers finish their lectures more than five minutes early
• 6 per cent of lecturers fail to turn up altogether
• 74 per cent of lecturers begin their lecture with the words: "Now, those of you who were here last week will remember ..."
• 2 per cent of lecturers seriously underestimate the number of handouts required
• 89 per cent of lecturers seriously overestimate the number of handouts required
• 92 per cent of lecturers misplace their board duster at some point during the lecture
• 4 per cent of lecturers trip or stumble when mounting the rostrum
• 24 per cent of lecturers are so quiet as to be inaudible
• 34 per cent of lecturers are so prolix as to be incomprehensible
• 4 per cent of lecturers are so small as to be invisible
• 92 per cent of lecturers insert at least three slides upside down
• 45 per cent of lecturers are frightened by the very idea of PowerPoint
• 86 per cent of lecturers would rather be doing something else
• 92 per cent of students agree with them.