Laurie Taylor column

Vice-Chancellor's Personal Assistant
Vice-Chancellor's Lodge
University of Poppleton
Poppleton PP12 6HP

Siena 16 AUG 2002

Dear Mrs Beamish

I have now arrived safely at the Universities UK summer seminar in Tuscany. The journey was relatively uneventful although a couple of my fellow vice-chancellors were rather perturbed to find that the airport limousine lacked the blackened windows that were specified on the booking form.

Our privately chartered plane fortunately protected us from any other invasions of privacy and we were further reassured on arrival at the conference centre by the sight of CCTV cameras and an 8ft-high barbed wire perimeter fence.

We were concerned that members of the public might be able to catch a glimpse of us during non-conference hours. But this possibility has been reduced by the organisers' decision to hold our conference dinners in an underground vault that can be entered only by those in possession of a password.

At night we sleep in deluxe converted hermits' caves that lie high up on the deserted hillside above the conference centre. Although it is slightly perturbing to come across evidence of their former use, such as the occasional bloodstained whip, there can be no doubt about the protection that they provide.

Must rush now. I have to spend some time devising my costume for tomorrow night's masked ball.

Please shred this postcard after you've read it.

Sincerely

The Vice-Chancellor