Laurie Taylor column

NAMING OF BAYS
It has been decided after careful consideration that the present practice (see Article 33a) of inscribing the names of senior staff in their Parking Bays will be discontinued. The practice has in the past apparently encouraged the erroneous belief among junior staff that a constantly empty bay is indicative of the almost permanent absence of the named person.

CHANGE OF CAR
Considerable administrative time and effort has been expended in the past as a result of the failure of Parkers to inform the Parking Office of a change of car. To reduce this problem, all staff below the level of senior lecturer must now retain the same car for the 12 months after its registration with Central Parking.

DISTANCE AND STATUS
The current university policy (see Article 6) whereby staff status is directly correlated with the distance from parking space to personal office will be continued, but the Vice-Chancellor has now graciously accepted that his practice of parking his Lexus in the Council Chamber is incompatible with the university's current policy on the environment.

SANCTIONS
It is clear from the 147 per cent rise in the number of parking infringements during the past 12 months that the present range of sanctions (see Article 19) is inadequate. The following amended sanctions will now apply:

· 1st offence. Four heavily gummed warnings affixed to windscreen of offending car
· 2nd offence. Clamping of all four wheels
· 3rd offence. Removal of all four wheels
· 4th offence. Controlled explosion.

COLOUR CODING

Please note the following changes in the colour-coded signage of designated parking spaces:

· Red square: Senior administrators and deputy senior administrators.
· Blue diamond: Full professors and all other administrators.
· Green circle Personal chairs. Readers.
· Senior lecturers.
· Purple triangle: Lecturers.
· Black cross: Short-term contract staff.

I hope this clarifies the Parking situation.

D. W. Bantock
Deputy Head of Parking.
(Red Square)