Graduation ceremonies are no longer just a celebration of success, they are the major marketing event of the year.
And academics have a job to do. First they must sit on the platform and clap enthusiastically when each graduate comes up - after all, they might appear in any pictures taken - and then they must "work the tables".
Staff at Middlesex University who were sent a memo on how to behave at graduation ceremonies at first thought it was a spoof worthy of Laurie Taylor's University of Poppleton. But it was signed by Chris Wright, the business school's head of external relations.
Mr Wright explained that graduation ceremonies "will cement a relationship with our alumni" and "showcase the work of the business school". Brothers and sisters of graduates will be there, and some may be considering university. Parents will "take the opportunity to appraise the staff and the institution".
"In other words," Mr Wright said, "graduation ceremonies are the biggest marketing events of the year."
Instructions on "working the tables" were spelt out. "Carry out a coordinated sweep so that every table is visited ... At each table, introduce yourself to the mums and dads first. Say what a pleasure it is to see so many relatives and friends, acknowledge that it is a great day for them and, incidentally, for you."
For those cynics reluctant to cooperate, there was a warning. "We should not miss opportunities. I will be prowling about and helping target individual staff to individual tables. Especially professors. By the end of the day, we should all be tired, happy and run off our feet."
Got it?