He's in the money!

Yes, it's hippity-hop-hurrah for this year's Easter bunny - our very own vice-chancellor, seen here celebrating his record-breaking third place in the newly published league table of vice-chancellors' pay.

In a special Easter message, our vice-chancellor expressed the wish that all members of academic staff join him in celebrating the news that even at a time when the university was, in the words of the Finance Director, "up the creek without a paddle", its chief executive could still go on enjoying such extraordinarily large emoluments. He also used the message to denounce critics of his package as "peddling the politics of envy" and pointed out that his salary of £325,000 per annum was perfectly commensurate with the sums being paid in the private sector to other well-known comedians.

A brand-new tradition

Please note that the university's traditional Maundy Money ceremony will take place at 10am this Thursday on the steps of the new Administration Building. In keeping with the tradition established for the first time last year, the vice-chancellor will dispense a small number of symbolic silvery coins (5p pieces) to a selected group of university paupers drawn from graduate teaching assistants, short-term contract researchers and departmental secretaries.

Proposals that this year's ceremony might also include the washing of the paupers' feet have been ruled out on health grounds. According to well-informed sources, the vice-chancellor is prevented from bending at the waist by his constitutionally weak spine.

Thought for the Week

(contributed by Jennifer Doubleday, Head of Personal Development)

As you will probably know, our Poet-in-Residence, Sylvia Plinth, was recently downsized because of her poetry's lack of impact. But before she departed to pastures new, she generously found the time to write something special for this time of year. (Thanks a lot, Sylvia)

"Hop along little Easter bunny, Hop along little Easter bunny

Hop along little Easter bunny, Hop along your way

Hide all the eggs and Easter candy, Hide all the eggs and Easter candy

Hide all the eggs and Easter candy, Hop along your way"

(Sylvia's new collection of verse, Drinking Lager with Gordon Lapping, will be published this autumn by Meat Axe Press.)

Conference call

All of us here at The Poppletonian extend a warm welcome to the British Association for the Advancement of Academic Conferences, which holds its annual conference at the university over the Easter break.

This year's assembly will include special plenary sessions on "Organising Plenary Sessions" and breakout groups devoted to "The Theory and Practice of Breakout Groups". There will also be special workshops on "The Changing Role of the Rapporteur", "Remodelling the Biscuit Break" and "Why People Always Start Speaking in Plenary Sessions before the Microphone Has Reached Them and then Invariably Forget to Give their Name".

After the final grand dinner (free to all delegates who have paid the £75 surcharge), there will be an open debate on "Widening Disco Participation: Problems and Prospects".

lolsoc@dircon.co.uk.