Laurie Taylor column

Department of media and cultural studies. There's no one here at the moment to take your call but do leave your name and number and we'll get back to you relatively quickly. Thanks for calling.

Maureen. Are you there? This is Gordon. Professor Lapping. Look, I know I promised to maintain full interactive connectivity with you while I was on holiday but I couldn't get through on this new multi-function mobile all week. Mrs Lapping thought it might be the Pyrenees (we're staying quite close) but then I kept getting some woman speaking in French whenever I dialled. She was talking so quickly that in the end I took the phone down to the nice man at the tourist office who said it was an invitation to play Bingo on Minitel. Anyway, this now seems to be working although the battery is very low because the damned phone won't plug into the International All Voltage thingie I bought at Gatwick. So, listen, if this message does stop halfway through (squawk) would you check your emails because I'll be contacting you via my new hand-held PC. I think something is happening now (squawk, squawk). The light's flickering. Oh, bugger...

From G.Lapping@popp.ac.uk

Dear Maureen As promised I'm making contact via my PC. Hope you can rread it because the keys are vvery close together and my finggers seem to have swwollen up in the hot weatherr. I'll get straight to the point. In all the last minute rush I forgot to reply to the head of fffacilities management about the cccushion on my office chair. Would you pplease ring him and emphasise that I'm only asking them to supply a freee cccushion because the chair they gave me at the end of last term is two ffoot lower than my dddesk. I'm not asking for a fffavour. I merely wish to reach my fffiling tray.

This is a lovely spot. Can't send you a pppicture because the digital camera has gone on the bblink but there's a picture gallery on this PC so I'm sending you a vview that looks much like the one from our vvilla windowww except we have more treees and you can't actually see the mmmountain.

Cheers, Gordon

THIS MAIL COULD NOT BE DELIVERED FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS. SYSTEM FAILURES No. 621/678/10008 MORE DETAILS?