Laurie Taylor column

Lapping speaking.

Professor Lapping. It's Jane Seligman. Professor Lapping, I'm not there.

You're not where, Jane?

On the list. I came in yesterday after my holiday and went to the board to look at the degree list and my name is not on there.

I am sure that there is a perfectly simple explanation for this.

Ah, yes, this appears to be what you're after. Jane Seligman: "Degree withheld because of non-payment of outstanding tuition fees."

How do you mean - withheld? Is it an upper or a lower? Where is it?

Technically, it isn't anywhere. The university's rules state that a student is not deemedto have graduated until such time as outstanding tuition fees - in your case a matter of £1,750 - have been discharged.

So nobody knows my result?

Your result is in abeyance. But I am allowed to say that if you were to deposit a cheque with the bursar for what one might call a substantial proportion of your debt, then the possib-ility of your degree coming out of abeyance would be enhanced.

But supposing it's a fail. I don't want to pay a substantial proportion to bring that out of abeyance.

Without in any way pre-empting the final decision of the Examination Board, I think it would be safe to say that you have a withheld lower second.

Only a lower?

That's right.

I'll tell you what. You give me my miserable lower second and I'll pay the bursar £500 of my tuition fees. Is that a deal?

That, as we say, is a deal. Thank you, Jane.

And very many congratulations on your degree result. It is good to do business with you.