Laurie Taylor column

" Christmas Closure. The last day of working for staff will be December 24. All staff will work normally until 12 noon. No manager should allow staff to leave earlier than this time. After 12 noon, staff may leave work subject to their manager's approval. Staff who wish to take December 24 as annual leave should deduct a full day's leave from their entitlement " - Hull University memo.

How's the time going?

Shhhhh. Not so loud. They might hear you. It's almost 11.30.

Just 30 minutes to go?

That's right. Looking forward to having a whole afternoon free before Christmas Day?

Can't wait. Mind you, I could have done with more time to buy presents for the little ones.

Beggars can't be choosers. We went without food at our house on Christmas Day last year because by the time I'd got away all the shops were closed.

I thought of taking this morning off as leave, but if you do that you lose a whole day's pay.

That's the way it is. Have you told your manager you're leaving at noon?

Oh, yes. I don't want to make the same mistake as Crossley in politics. He left at noon last Christmas Eve without telling his manager. Security guards brought him back and kept him in solitary until Boxing Day.

You can't be too careful.

And remember Gilmore from psychology? Strolled out at three minutes to noon, found the gates were still barred, tried to climb over the wire, and was shot twice in the back by the head of HR.

He had no one to blame but himself. Imagine the chaos if this university simply allowed people to go home when they liked on Christmas Eve.

OR EVEN GAVE THEM THE WHOLE DAY OFF!

You're shouting again.