Laurie Taylor Column

From: Jamie Targett, Head of Corporate Development

Subject: The Management and Expression of Controversial Opinions

My attention has been drawn to recent polls in The Times Higher that appear to indicate that nearly half of all academics are now afraid to utter controversial opinions about their work and their institution.

Although the University of Poppleton has always enjoyed an unenviable reputation in this respect, the possibility that relative freedom of expression within particular universities might generate another league table means that now might be a good time to formalise a "controversial opinion policy".

After careful and extensive consultation with one or two people who happened to be around in the office it has been decided that in the interests of democracy all members of full-time long-term contract academic staff should be entitled to express one controversial opinion about either their work or institution in each academic year. (This is not cumulative: academics who fail to express a controversial opinion in any particular year may not "carry over" the opinion and express two controversial opinions the following year.) Academics who wish to participate in this exciting new scheme are therefore asked to complete the form below and return it by August 11, 2006, to Controversial Opinions Central Office, Corporate Development Building, University of Poppleton.

Full name:

Current title:

Home address:

Age:

Distinguishing features:

Length of service:

Current salary:

Planned retirement date:

Blood group:

National Insurance number:

Name and address of nearest relative:

Controversial opinion (no more than 50 words): ............................

............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............

Please note: forms should be signed and accompanied by a recent passport photograph and a small saliva sample.

I hope this clarifies the situation.

Jamie Targett