Laurie Taylor Column

"Academics who wish to publish in time for the next research assessment exercise submission at the end of the year face serious publication backlogs" - Report in Higher Education News

Rushforth and Multiply

Depressed by publication delays?

Why not switch to Rushforth and Multiply for your urgent RAE publication?

We have dispensed with one or two of the tired old formalities of academic publishing, such as reference-checking, proof-reading and peer review.

What's more, our limited run of 50 copies and our cover price of £165 virtually ensures that your book will not be subject to unfavourable reviews - or, indeed, reviews of any kind.

All you need to do is rush your electronic copy to us before December 1, 2007, and your brand new RAE-eligible book will be personally delivered to your home address by a team of trained runners in good time for that Christmas publication party.

The European Journal of Negative Research Findings

Laid low by the discovery that the research for your RAE submission has not yielded any positive results? In the past, this often meant that such research went unpublished.

All that has now changed.

The European Journal of Negative Research Findings positively welcomes papers that fail to establish any hypothesis whatsoever and which add little or nothing to the sum of human knowledge.

A specially chosen team of negative research referees is standing by to give your paper a favourable review and ensure its publication within our bumper five-volume edition, to be published in early December.

Empson and Empson

Worried that your nearly completed book or research article will never be finished in time for that looming RAE deadline?

Relax.

Here at Empson and Empson we specialise in providing endings to three-quarter completed manuscripts.

Our highly trained team of academics are adept at rounding up statistics, tying loose ends together and imposing some sort of superficial coherence.

(We regret that because of staff pressure we are currently unable to complete symphonies or sociology texts).