Laurie Taylor Column

"The new elite (of universities) have structural enclaves with their research students and assistants as acolytes" (From a study of the Research Assessment Exercise conducted by Ian McNay.) Your morning tea, Professor Beamish. Nice and strong. Just as you like it. And your favourite digestives. Shall I put it next to the chaise longue?

Thank you, Doctor Parteger. And do stand up straight when you're talking to me.

Professor Beamish, there is one small thing I'd like to mention. My present research project finishes next March and I was wondering if you might find a spot for me elsewhere.

This tea's lukewarm, Parteger. You know I can't bear lukewarm tea. What exactly is your current research?

I'm on the Pounds 45,000 HEC project. And helping out in the evenings on the Pounds 197,000 DTI job.

What about the quarter of a million thingy from the EPSRC?

You gave that to Doctor Tremlett last Thursday after the staff party.

Did I? And there's nothing new come in this week?

Only a letter from the ESRC saying there's Pounds 95,000 on the way which they'd very much like you to use for anything you fancy.

I'll think about it later. And in the meantime, Parteger, remember what I said about luke warm tea. One more mistake like this and I might have to ask you to return to even more menial duties.

You don't mean. . . teaching?

And it could be sooner than you think. Unless I'm very much mistaken this digestive is distinctly soggy.