Joining university as a pansexual student

Being a pansexual student has often raised many questions. “What does it even mean to be pansexual?”, is one of the most common questions I get asked about my sexuality, so let me break it down for you.

The most widely accepted definition of pansexuality is that it is an attraction towards people regardless of their gender identity or sex.

I would say I fit the description of what it means to be pansexual in the sense that someone’s gender isn’t a barrier to my capability to be sexually, romantically and emotionally attracted to them. However, I’m also aware that I tend to be attracted to certain gender identities and expressions more than others, which is completely valid. Like bisexuality, being pansexual doesn’t mean that I have an equal attraction to every gender, it just means that gender isn’t a restriction to my attraction. 

I started to actively present myself as pansexual at the beginning of my first year of university. I didn’t come out to my family or friends at first. My initial effort to come out was mainly me making a conscious decision to avoid telling people I met that I was straight when they asked. With most students at university being fairly open-minded, I expected few issues with coming out to my flatmates, and there absolutely weren’t. Everyone I came across was super nice and supportive.

I then came out to my sister, who I’m incredibly close to, and who cried tears of happiness when I told her. She was just pleased that I had felt comfortable enough to tell her. She called me a few weeks later to tell me that she had told my mum. While she shouldn’t have outed me to my mum, I’m pleased that she did because I don’t think I would’ve told her for a while, and my mum (while she had questions) was accepting of my pansexuality. I’ve slowly been coming out to my friends from home and again I have not received a negative reaction. I’m very grateful that those close to me are so supportive of my sexuality.

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However, while university was definitely the right setting for me to come out and explore the way I express my sexuality, I have faced some issues. For example, sometimes I question whether I have as strong as an attraction to people who aren’t men as I should have for someone who is pansexual. I sometimes catch myself thinking “am I gay enough to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community?”

Once I went to an LGBTQ+ book swap session and as someone who had issues with anxiety at the time, my head was filled thoughts of “I’m gay, but what if I’m not enough for them?” and “what if they think that I’m just experimenting? They’ve never seen me here before!” It was just nerves but I left that session early to go home and cry.

Someone from the network messaged me the following morning to check up on me and it was such a nice feeling that someone I barely knew had contacted me to see if I was OK. It made the whole experience worth it and I’ve been to a few sessions since.

My advice to any students within the LGBTQ+ community is to do what makes you feel comfortable and feels true to who you are. If you still haven’t come out, do what makes sense to you, don’t let anyone pressure you into coming out until you’re ready to and don’t let anyone pressure you into staying closeted.

Also, there are many ways you can seek out support on campus for when your you don’t feel quite right: generally you can get in touch with university support services (counselling service, peer support, your supervisor, etc.) or you can get in touch with LGBTQ+ support groups and helplines and your university’s LGBTQ+ liberation network.

Read more: Universities must adopt a proactive approach to mental health