How living with blepharospasm helped me become a better teacher

As an educator living with blepharospasm, a rare genetic condition causing involuntary blinking and eye twitching, I face physical and emotional challenges. One of my most difficult experiences was during a conference presentation when an attendee remarked, “I couldn’t focus on your research because you were blinking so much, and I couldn’t take my eyes off your eyes.” The comment shook me so much that I could not interact with anyone else for the remainder of the conference. It also affected my confidence and how I engaged with students. However, with time, I developed my “ABC” strategy to help me overcome these hurdles and create a positive, inclusive classroom where all participants feel valued, understood and empowered. ABC stands for: 

Acceptance

I built emotional resilience by acknowledging my struggles and accepting them as part of who I am rather than as flaws. This internal acceptance reduced feelings of shame or inadequacy that had previously impacted my teaching. 

I began recording my presentations to better understand how my eyes might affect my audience’s focus. I then tried to balance that out using other non-verbal communication such as gestures and deliberate pauses for emphasis. I also optimised my content by using visually compelling and well-structured slides that complemented my verbal commentary and kept participants’ attention away from my eyes.

Embracing my challenges empowered me to improve my teaching practice. However, this journey of self-acceptance has often been hindered by others. People sometimes pass remarks or ask questions prompted by genuine curiosity. But sometimes the intentions of those asking are less innocent. As such, I have had to develop emotional resilience to interpret such judgments as reflections of others’ perceptions rather than my self-worth. Strategies include self-reflective exercises and maintaining a support system of trusted colleagues and friends. Journaling my experiences has allowed me to celebrate progress, analyse setbacks and adopt a growth mindset. 

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Balance

Focusing on my well-being and balancing my work and personal life is important because my condition worsens with stress. Self-care practices such as incorporating short breaks and staying hydrated and active have made a significant difference. 

However, in academia, with tight deadlines, back-to-back commitments and sometimes last-minute requests, finding a balance is not always easy. I have had to improve my time management skills. Including buffers in my schedule to account for days when my symptoms might worsen is key. For example, I always ensure I’m aware of any deadlines so that I can plan to finish tasks a day or two before the deadline. This allows me to mitigate any interruptions caused by my condition and gives me time to deal with any last-minute requests that might come in. 

There are also times when I have to communicate my needs effectively. I’ve learned to confidently and politely decline additional responsibilities when necessary. When doing so, I focus on constructive communication by suggesting an alternative timeline or other ways I can contribute without overextending myself. 

Communication

At the start of each semester, I have started to openly discuss how my condition affects my teaching in class. This has not only helped dispel any fears or misinterpretations but also created a more supportive classroom atmosphere where students feel encouraged to share their challenges without fear of judgement. 

In 2022, I had a student who always wore a mask. While not unusual considering the pandemic was still fresh in our minds, his refusal to remove it, even during interviews or other significant moments, puzzled me. After I shared my condition in class, he confided in me about a large mole next to his nose that made him feel self-conscious. Inspired by my self-acceptance, he gradually began working on his, too. It took him a year to finally take off his mask and attend an interview, but he did it and got the job. This transformational moment motivated me to continue on my path.

Although there are several articles discussing blepharospasm, the lack of a dedicated support network within the academic community can feel isolating. I understand that following my ABC principles can be difficult; sometimes the weight of it all makes me want to give up. However, living with blepharospasm has taught me to document life’s involuntary blinks, find clarity, and focus beyond them. 

Bhawana Shrestha is a research fellow at Xi’an Jiaotong-Liverpool University’s Learning Institute for Future Excellence. 

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